My Hiking Gear Thus Far: Bags

So I've been really excited to share the amazing gear I've gotten recently, at really great prices. (Well, hypothetically it's "amazing" to me. Time and experience will tell.) My first purchase, that sort of got me going with this, was Dexter's hiking pack.

REI Adventure XL Dog Hiking Pack

Now, they don't make these packs anymore, but I can tell you from research that dog packs are not cheap... and EXTRA LARGE dog packs are not only expensive, but can be hard to come by. Dexter isn't a particularly large dog, but the girth of his neck and chest are larger than most dogs. Going with an XL was a good choice- it seems to be just the right size. (We've only tried it on briefly.) This bag was less than $20!!! Finding such a bargain was a thrill, and I've since been on the lookout for more great deals...

Like my daypack:

Women's XS/S Osprey Sirrus 36 Daypack

That's right: I got a 36L Osprey backpack- that is not only a gorgeous color but basically brand new- for $75! This is a $170 backpack. It fits wonderfully- again, so far, just trying it on.

I'm still not totally sure about the capacity. From what I've read, a 36L seems to be right on the border of "heavy day pack" to "light overnight". My goal is to get to doing some overnights with Dex, but I am a bit worried it is a little too heavy for what will be my normal use. I've been debating on purchasing a smaller one (have I mentioned I have an addictive personality? No? Well, I do, as I'm sure you'll see). Somewhere in storage, though, I should have a small Camelbak I purchased years ago. I haven't been able to find it, but I'm really hoping it's there. I don't remember which one it is, but I'd like to at least get the bladder out of it, and put that in my Sirrus, and possibly rig the Camelbak to attach to my daypack for shorter hikes from base camp, or short hikes in general. Which still leaves me with the question of whether I should have gotten a smaller pack.

As you see, this is going to be a lot of trial and error for me.

I'll post about my hiking boots next time!

To keep or to get rid of....

Going through all of this junk is exhausting. How many hoodies does a woman really need? How many pairs of shoes is too many? I love these floral heels, but I've only worn them once... and I've had them for about three years... but they bring me joy when I look at them...

They are bright; they are gaudy; they are very un-Me... and that's why I love them!

I've got bags and boxes full of clothes and clothes and clothes. As for the shoes, and a bag full of other items so far, they are all in my "come back later" pile. Occasionally, when going through things, working towards a minimalist lifestyle, I get especially ruthless- and during one of those times is when I will tackle that pile.

Today, I threw away something that was difficult for me to throw away. I call it my "funeral sweater" (cardigan, actually). It's extremely sentimental to me, because I wore it to my grandmother's memorial service. Since then, it's been my go-to for the other three funerals I've attended. So, while there is all of this sentimentality attached to it, it's not good sentimentality. It's depressing. The majority of the things I've thrown away have been easy enough. This was one of the items I actually took the time, as per the Konmari method, and held the item close to me and thanked it for serving it's purpose in my life. Yeah, that one was tough.

On the bright side, I have a pair of jeans that have recently become my favorite. They are pretty wide-legged, making them very comfy, AND the denim is just wonderfully super-soft. The name is still in them, Gap's Long and Lean, but the size tag is not, so I've held off on looking for another pair online. What do I come across today, that I had absolutely no remembrance of purchasing or owning? A second pair of Gap's Long and Lean (size 2- just right)! Pretty sweet.

Clearing the Clutter

Since moving back in with my mom, I've sort of given up on "Happily Ever After" and have instead traded it in for "Happily Get Rid of it All".

I've been steadily clearing "stuff" out of my life, out of the small closet in my mom's room, anywhere else I've crammed my belongings into my mom's house, anything I've moved to my camper (to get it out of the way while cleaning other stuff and/or to take photos of and store for online selling), and my storage unit.

I've moved SO many times in my adult life, always chasing Happily Ever After. I've carried a lot of JUNK around the country with me. A full desktop with a CRT monitor, hundreds of books, craft supplies (for crafts I don't do), personal journals, furniture, clothes, more books, sentimental items, sentimental books. And yet: the relationships I was trying to make work, all the stuff I toted around to help me cement my personality, my footprint, into the world- none of it lasted, and none of it made me (ultimately) happy.

This last move was a real blow to me, though. I hadn't even been looking for love, and then he came along. For the first time in my entire life, I actually had my shit together. I had my own place. I had a nice, well-paying job that I really enjoyed. I'd finally graduated from living in boxes to trying to, finally, make somewhere Home. But then my romantic fantasies were triggered, and I'd finally found The One.

Obviously, since I'm writing this, he wasn't the One, just a one. And now, that fantasy of finding the One, living Happily Ever After, seems more of a delusion to me. There IS no "One"- there is only me, and I've been avoiding her all my life. Relationships, holding onto stuff I don't need: the former has brought me experiences I wouldn't trade for the world; it's brought me to this place I am now, and I wouldn't change that for anything (in spite of all of the days I go through still depressed). The latter equals tangible proof of my exertion to make myself happy. Most of it is simply baggage of things I don't really like or enjoy, of memories that force me to hold onto the past, live in it- almost literally with all of the reminders all around me, and to live in the future: things I'm always GOING to do, books I'm going to read, clothes I'm going to wear, projects I'm going to craft.

Screw that. WHO THE FUCK AM I NOW??? I only have the vaguest of ideas, but I know that I am not this stuff I have been holding onto as though it meant something.

How does this tie into hiking with my dog? Because all of this is a need I feel down in my bones. I need to live a simpler life. I've kept myself cooped up indoors, in my comfort zone, for far too long. Humans weren't mean for this much being indoors. I've lost my connection to outside, where I've always found comfort, peace of mine, oneness with myself.

My goals are as follows:
1. Get rid of any physical items in my life that do not bring me JOY*.
2. Finish fixing up my camper**.
3. Continue to limit, as much as I can, any stressors in my life.
4. Set an example for my kids, and inspire my mom.
5. Spend as much time outdoors as possible, with Dexter.
6. After the superfluous has been erased from my life, whatever remains must be ME. (And, ergo, when I have figured that one out, 1) I won't need a relationship and/or 2) I will be in the best possible place to engage in a relationship. But, for the length of this project, let's act like #2 isn't a thing at all.)

*The Konmari Method, as read about in Marie Kondo's The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, has had an impressive impact on my life. (Not an affiliate link) Seriously, if you haven't read it, you should.
**I will be posting more information about this project of mine. As I sit here thinking about it, I think this whole blog is going to tie in together just fine. There have been several topics I've wanted to blog about: camper fixing-up, minimizing my life, hiking, finding myself, and ballet. Ballet gets it's own blog, and the other topics form the rest of the whole. Perfect!